Sand Castles
Sand
Castle
He was feeling nostalgic so he went back
to the roof. It was second time in this week that he went up to the roof with a
gap of multiple years in between. The roof was just a word here, in fact, the
place was heaven or we can say used to be a heaven. It was a place where he
has grown up. He remembers playing around the place but what brought him back
up was the memory of all the dreams he has woven in that place. A lot has
changed in all these years. The place was still the same though but very dirty
with dust around every corner. He remembers how much this place meant to them
back then and how they spend so much time sweeping and cleaning the place but
now they all are adult and they rarely visit the rooftop. The place has lost
its glory but everything was there except for the tube light as it got broken
some years ago and the empty sockets are just sitting alone in the dark. There
was only one room on the rooftop which used to host them all but now it was
locked. The swing was there but no one is fighting to get their turn for it. It
was left stranded in the middle and only wind was taking a slow swing at it. He
left the swing unintended and came to the open area.
Everything was there, the same but so
much has changed. Usually, change is outwards, landscape changes and setting
changes but this time everything was there except for their own selves. He has
stopped coming here because the place haunts him. The dreams he has woven
here, every single one of them. The prayers, the thinking of future, the first
love and thinking of a time where he can get her was long but it was in this
place where memories and dreams were woven but now coming to this place reminds
him that how he himself has shattered the dreams of that person. He has
betrayed himself in a way that there is no way to even define the guilt. He has waited so long for that moment to come
when they can be united but when the time came, he rejected her. There were
certain circumstances that led him to reject her though but it was a dream and
was built by so much love. Have you ever loved someone without them knowing?
You know how you build the love and glorify it as a story knowing that all you
have to do is to wait to get them and I don’t how you can explain to your
younger self that you yourself have shattered your own ultimate goal. The
guilt, the pain, and the shame are too much.
He sat on the swing thinking of that
time. It was the same summer. He played the same song except for this time he
has earphones and youtube to listen to the song. Everything looked the same
except for the tubelight which he uses to stare at while listening to the song.
The dragonflies weren’t even there too. The place seemed like is a corpse of
his dreams. Last week when he came up, he wanted the rain to come and even
though the stage was set for rain, it didn’t come. Today, he wanted to stay up and
not drenched in the rain but today it was raining and quite uncontrollably as
if his past was crying for the betrayal that was never expected. Who can be
this insane to betray their own selves? He remembers each and every line of that
time. It was 2004 when the dreaming began and exactly after ten years, the
dream got broken. The ten years in between were spent to build the dream so
hard.
He wasn’t the type to talk about love
and romance like that. He doesn’t even want to feel guilty about it but the
sand castles he has built over his dream were giving their way now and here he
is standing helpless watching every particle sinking away. The girl he has
decided to betray his dream with isn’t part of his life anymore. The job which
he thought will provide to be his strongest castle has proven to be a sand
castle in disguise. Now everything was slipping away but what worries him was
the future. He doesn’t have any goals left. He knows he is in a place where he
has to get married soon willingly or unwillingly because, in our culture, there
is time for marriage which I believe is a good thing but for him, he is so
unprepared.
He looked around the roof. There was a pleasant
smell of dust mixing with rain and the open part is now all shinning with
water. It reminds him of the memorable times they have in this rain back then
and some of those memories are even saved in his computer. Maybe he can weave
new dreams here. Maybe. He has decided that he will go with a life partner his
family will find. It wasn’t a bad choice I guess and mystery can be pleasant.
He also knows that they are soon going to shift into their new home and this
memorable place will be gone. It will be the start of a new life altogether. This
place was his yard where he has grown up and every corner reminds me of time
where he built himself but going in a different place means it will not be his
place but a place where his kids will come and grow. It will be their yard and
will be home to their memories. It will be a totally new thing and with a mystery
partner, everything in life will be new and changed and he was scared that in
all that he might lose himself. The thought of it was heartbreaking. Everyone
talks about success stories and all the success stories talk about how the
journey started but no one talks about the middle chapters even though middle
chapters are the one that is the toughest. He doesn’t have any clue that what
life has planned for him but he has serious guilt for betraying himself. He
has high hopes and great faith in God that he will find his path. He just
doesn’t want to lose himself. He took pride in his sand castles which didn’t
even take the first rain and disintegrated. He doesn’t want to build sand
castles anymore. He doesn’t want to plan anything anymore but he wanted peace
in his life and someone to share the peace with.
There is a lot to dream about and much
more to feel guilty off but now the thunder was coming and a thunderstorm was
making a lot of noise which scared him. He doesn’t have a thunder buddy anymore
so he has to go hide in his bedroom.
I agree with the thought of feeling scary to think what your future will hold. It's definitely a surprise but what if we never wanted it?
ReplyDeleteThat's true but this is where we should have faith. We don't have any option nonetheless so better be positive i guess.
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